What Have I Done?Each day I must resist
The urge to tear myself
Apart. Each day I have
Tried so hard not to harm
Myself, out of love for you.
Part of me knows that
I'm doing is for the best,
Yet part of me thinks self-
Harm is the best thing to do.
How is it that I began to heal
When you loved me, and the
Day you said that love was gone,
My will went in reverse.
Mistakes.By the time you realized what you had done,
it was far too late.
You set the stone rolling before you knew
it couldn't be stopped.
And with the passing day, you sat there,
knees pulled to your chest and sobbing,
with the hair you never cease to rip out of your skull surrounding you,
lamenting your choice.
You can't turn back time.
footprints some days you are absent,
and i sit waiting even if i know, that although
your bike is parked at the usual spot,
you'll be nowhere to be seen.
i never ask where you've been.
maybe you found a place where heartbeats sound
like autumn leaves swirling in the wind.
maybe you just couldn't face me.
and you wear silence like a wedding gown,
soft silk sewn together with a brutal honesty.
there is no going back.
(she threw her regrets off a mountain, memories
carving their way through the cold stone, slowly forming
and now she feels no thirst, only
a longing slowly drowning her.)
in the end, you had to face me.
we sat on a beach, your fingers drawing patterns in the sand,
mine clutched around a seashell.
"we're only a bike ride away from extinction,"
you said, "and you're too slow, always
caught in the invisible ink printed on my eyelids."
i borrowed your silence,